Eustace Bagge saves Trojan Man
by JustSagan
Summary: Do I need to say anything else?


It was a quiet day in the Middle Of Nowhere, which is to be expected.

Eustace was sitting in his chair, reading his paper. Muriel was sitting in her chair, and Courage was laying on Muriel's lap. Everything seemed normal until…

" _Ehh… There is nothing new going… What's heh?"_

As Eustace was reading his paper, he suddenly had a strange feeling in his head. Before he could figure out what it was, he suddenly heard a voice.

" _Eustace! Can you hear me?_ "

" _Ya ya, who are you?_ "

" _Its me, Superman, and I need your help!_ "

Eustace was surprised to hear that Superman himself needed help.

" _Well, what do you need?_ "

" _The Justice League and I were on a mission to rescue a fellow hero from Poison Ivy, but it was a trap, and we were all captured._ "

Eustace was left speechless. How could the Justice League be captured so easily?

" _Eustace! Will you help us?_ "

Eustace wanted to spend the day reading his paper, but he knew that he had to save them.

" _Ehh, ok. Where are you at anyway?_ "

" _We are at the_ _Great Patterson Swamp in New York City._ "

" _Ehh, it might take some time for me to get there._ "

" _You must hurry Eustace, before it is too late!_ "

" _What? Who does she have? And what is she going to do?_ "

" _She has… Wait… Ivy knows i'm talking to you! You must hurry! Before its AHHHH!_ "

Things went quiet, and the strange feeling was gone. Eustace didn't know what Ivy was doing, but he knew that he had to stop her.

" _Hey Muriel. I have to run out and grab some stuff from the store. I'll be back in little bit._ "

" _Ok Eustace, be safe._ "

" _Dont worry, I will._ "

Eustace then left the house, and proceeded to enter his truck.

" _Alright, time to throw this thing into full blast._ "

Eustace opened up his glove compartment, and pushed a small button. The truck then started to float in the air, and then started to fly at high speeds towards New york.

1 hour latter

Eustace had arrived in New York, and he was able to find the Swamp in no time.

" _Alright, time to… What's heh?_ "

Eustace noticed that his truck had stopped moving. On closer inspection, he saw that vines had grabbed a hold of his truck, and were now pulling the truck into the swampy water.

" _Eh, stupid vines._ "

Eustace then jumped out of his truck, and grab ahold of a nearby tree. Eustace then watched as his truck slowly sunk into the swamp, and before he could even get mad about it, he could hear Poison Ivy laughing in the distance.

" _Ehh, Stupid bitch!_ "

Eustace then started to hop tree to tree in an effort to get closer to her.

After a few minutes of this, Eustace had finally found Ivy, however he also noticed notice someone else trapped in vines...

" _It can't be… Trojan Man!_ "

Eustace could not believe his eyes, Ivy had captured the one and only Trojan man.

"Please help AHH!"

Trojan Man was cut off by Ivy, who had covered his with a vine.

" _Yes Eustace, Trojan man is all mine, and soon, he will provide me with children. Now… Die!_ "

Suddenly, two swamp monsters crawled out of the swampy water, and went after Eustace. " _Ehh, you think you can bet me? He he he!_ "

Eustace then lifted his hand in the air, and then lightning struck his hand, leaving behind a sword. Eustace jumped onto one of the monsters, and began to stab it in the head repeatedly until it was dead. The other monster ran away in fear.

" _Give up now Ivy! You stand no chance!_ "

" _Oh is that what you think?_ " Ivy said with a smirk on her face as she pulled out her own sword, which appeared to be made from a combination of vines, and Trojan condoms.

" _You dont scare me Ivy!_ "

Eustace then tried to hit Ivy with his sword, however, Ivy simply blocked it with hers, and then kicked him in the nuts. Eustace then feel to the ground in pain.

" _How…_ " Eustace was in to much pain to say anything else.

" _Don't you see? The power of the Trojan condoms have granted me the ultimate power of protection! Your attacks have no effect on me… Now just die already, I want to have some fun with Trojan man._ "

Ivy then thrusted her sword at Eustace, but Eustace managed to dodge out of the way, and grabbed his sword while doing so.

" _Ehh, I not dying yet!_ "

Eustace then very high in the air in an attempt to get some distance, and think of a new plan to stop her. He then landed onto a pile of Trojan condom boxes. Upon seeing this, it gave him an idea.

After a few minutes of work, he had created his new weapon.

Ivy on the other hand was getting pissed.

" _You can't hide forever old man! I will find you!_ "

" _Well you don't need to find me… Im right here!_ "

" _Oh, so you finally decided to… Oh no…_ "

Ivy had noticed the new "addition" to his sword.

"Thats right Ivy! I now have the ultimate protection! You are finished!"

Eustace then charged at Ivy with his sword, and swung at her. She tried to block the hit, but the combined strength of his sword, and the condoms were too strong. Needless to say, he sword was obliterated.

" _Ha ha! Now it's time to… What's hah?_ "

Eustace stopped talked when he noticed that Ivy was quickly sinking into the ground.

" _Hey wait, where are you…"_

" _I won't let you have the satisfaction of killing me!_ "

Ivy then completely disappeared into the ground. But Eustace was not concerned.

" _Well… Time to go help the others._ "

Eustace then quickly ran to Trojan Man, and freed him from the vines.

" _Thank you Eustace! You are a true hero!_ "

" _No problem! But where are the others?_ "

" _She has them in a cabin, follow me!_ "

Eustace and Trojan man ran to a nearby cabin, and found the Justice League tied to chairs. Superman appears to have been hit in the balls with kryptonite.

" _Please… Untie us…_ " Superman said with true pain in his voice.

Eustace and Trojan man then untied them all.

" _Thank you Eustace, we will never forget this."_ Batman said happily.

" _Now we must be on our way. I hope our paths cross again._ "

And with that, the Justice League left.

" _Well i'm glad everything is good now, but how am I supposed to get home? Ivy ruined my truck._ " Eustace said with a hint of anger in his tone.

" _Don't worry Eustace, I will book you a first class flight home!_ "

"You will? Perfect!"

Eustace then traveled back to Nowhere.

The end

Hey I know this story is a little different. I wrote it with my younger brother, and I thought it was interesting. Tell me what you think of it. Also, check out my other stories, and have a good day!


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